If you’re reading this, it most likely means you’re still invested in Makenna’s Meditation.
Even after months of no blog posts, newsletters, YouTube videos, and of course, my monthly affirmations. I wish I had a more glamorous reason for being AWOL, but the truth is I’ve been finishing my last semesters at Howard University.
I’ve been reading, growing, crying, and evolving. I’ve done all this and still did my schoolwork. In other words, I’ve been tired as hell and not willing to create half-assed content for the sake of saying “I’ve been consistent.”
As I navigate my senior year, I’m realizing there is a life outside of Howard University. Those close to me know I’ve worked from kindergarten to 12th ggrade,vying to attend a school like Howard. And the past four years, I’ve worked from 18 to 21, vying to stay afloat at a school like Howard.
Now, it’s time for me to vie for something else.
Welcome to the new era of Makenna’s Meditation. For the past three years I’ve branded myself as a college blogger, but seeing as how I’m only a few months away from graduation, I knew it was time to rebrand into something new. In a way, this is my Renaissance.
Makenna’s Meditation is not a college blog, but it is something much bigger. It’s a community, a brand, and a platform that will empower all men and women–not just the ones in college. Don’t get me wrong. I’ll still be posting about college tips from time to time, but as I shift my attention to post-grad life, I need to shift the focus of this platform as well.
And what better way to do that then to get candid about my time at Howard?
During the summer of 2023, I had an epiphany.
The feeling started when I matriculated to Howard University and quickly realized how average–-how unexceptional–I felt compared to my peers. Some were already best-selling authors and others were nationally recognized activists and influencers featured in publications I could only dream of.
Mind you, we were 18.
Being on campus only exacerbated the feeling when I saw those peers become council presidents, interns at household news organizations, and still have time to have a 4.0 GPA and a social life.
This summer, I realized the college I prayed over, pined after, and cried about, was a place that became triggering to me.
At an elite college like Howard, there is an unspoken culture of perfectionism and the do-it-all mentality. Soon, I became burnt out. I couldn’t maintain this appearance of perfection or that I could balance everything and make it look effortless.
When I juggled everything, I was passionate about nothing.
It’s not discussed often, but there is a different price tag that comes with attending a school like Howard: a mental one.
The Do-It-All Mentality
Attending a school like Howard doesn’t just mean you’re an academic scholar. It means you’re involved in several clubs (many of which you hold a leadership position in), you have several jobs and internships, and you still have time to be active in the community and in selective organizations.
In my junior year, I adapted that mentality. I joined the newspaper, became a Bartleby and Samsung ambassador, worked as a Prime Student influencer, and joined the student council. It still didn’t feel like enough.
I should have worked a 9-5, joined a sorority, or been networking.
Now, as a senior, I have six classes, an internship, a role at the newspaper, a job creating content for different brands, and a job as a student editor at Dorm Therapy. Still, it doesn’t feel like enough. It never feels like enough. Ever.
There’s an unspoken rule that you need to wear many hats to be successful at Howard, and it’s true. You don’t get people like Kamala Harris, Thurgood Marshall, and Phylicia Rashad by only being good at school. You must be excellent.
At Howard, there’s an expectation that you’re great at several things, but what happens when you inevitably crush under the weight of those expectations?
Burnout happens. That feeling where you can’t get out of bed without bearing the weight of pressure to exceed at everything you committed to? Yeah, that burnout.
I know the feeling all too well. It’s because I over commit myself to things for the sake of feeling accomplished or for the sake of saying I’m involved.
The Comparison Trap
When put in a pool of high-achieving college students, comparison often follows.
Oh, my classmate is interning at a big company in NYC. I need to do the same. Wait, all my peers have leadership positions in different clubs. I need that too. Oh my gosh, all my friends are pledging. Let me start the process.
If you’re comparing your accomplishments to others, you’re never going to be happy or fulfilled. You’re only looking to embody someone else’s experience.
Everyone wants the esteemed title of editor-in-chief, but they don’t want to work the long hours. Everyone wants to be the president of their org, but no one wants to deal with the difficulties of being a student leader.
I’ve struggled with the comparison trap since freshman year, and it’s still something I have to remind myself not to fall into. If I don’t affirm myself, I end up forgetting the purpose God has destined for me and feeling greedy.
Comparison leads to envy, and envy is a greedy emotion. If you think about it, it’s the desire to want it all. The internship in NYC, the leadership positions, in different clubs, the sorority or fraternity title. As cliche as it sounds, we are obsessed with more. Having more, wanting more, being more.
So, yes, comparison is the thief of joy, but it’s also the thief of fulfillment.
When you’re constantly comparing yourself to others in college, you lose fulfillment in yourself.
The Mental Price Tag of Attending Howard University
Attending an elite college like Howard University is exhausting and mentally-taxing at times. Others expect a lot from you, and we expect a lot from ourselves as a result. Still, Howard has taught me so much about myself.
You need balance, ambition, and a strong mindset to know that despite all the success you see around you, you don’t have to burn yourself out to gain it too.
You also don’t have to subscribe to the do-it-all mentality. Work on what you’re passionate about, and take time to rest.
I had to burnout and unlearn a lot of my preexisting beliefs to get to this place–a place where I know other people’s success is not a hindrance to my own. If you’re feeling the same way, I encourage you to rest and get outside of your head.
You’re doing amazing as is.
